Aussie Disaster

I came home just a tad intoxicated last night after a lovely night out in downtown San Jose. Along with my fabulously witty and beautiful friend, I consumed a few too many Foster's, I guess. Or maybe just the right amount, depending on your point of view. Anyway, at the end of our evening, FW&BF ended up giving me a ride home, since driving didn't seem to be in the cards for me. Of course, as she was driving, I kept thinking that I probably would have been just fine. So I arrived home at about two and decided that a frozen pizza was in order. I turned on the oven and threw in a pepperoni Tombstone. I set the timer, then went to sit down for some TV. I remember sitting there on the couch contemplating how I would cut my pizza. For some reason, it seemed very important at the time. Would it be slices like pie? Or would it be better to go with squares? I think I finally settled on squares, but I'm really not sure. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in my living room, a bit dazed, and smoke was pouring out of the oven. I ran into the kitchen to see that the clock said 4:00am. I quickly turned the oven off, and braced myself for the worst as I opened the oven door. I was envisioning a flaming pizza on the middle rack, and I just couldn't really figure out how I was going to get it out. Luckily, I just found a blackened, smoking pizza. I was able to get it out just fine, and the smoke filling the apartment soon dissipated. Of course, the smell is still hanging out today. So I leave you with 3 pieces of advice.
1) Do not cook your Tombstone for 2 hours. It doesn't turn out very well.
2) It's best to stick to foods you don't have to cook when you are intoxicated. I find Oreo's and milk, Cocoa Puffs, and Peanut Butter & Pickle Sandwiches (Thanks to P&AF) to all be suitable.
3) Don't think that you can drive after you've lost count of how many Foster's you've had. I remember being almost certain that I could make the drive home. Two hours and one slightly crunchy pizza later, and I had proven that driving may not have been my best option.