Deal Breaker

On a date, with a gentleman we'll call "D," the conversation turns to internet security as we're walking around downtown San Jose.

M: "Yeah, I'm terrible, I don't even have my wireless router encrypted."
D: "Oh, really? I'm actually pretty careful with my security programs. I mean, I wouldn't want to have everything just crash on me."
M: "I know what you mean. I do have a good firewall and anti-virus. Somehow I just haven't gotten around to that router."
D: "Actually, I even setup the parental controls on my computer."
M: "What?"
D: "Yeah, I set it up so that I wouldn't be tempted by anything."
M: (laughing) "Are you serious?"
D: (laughing a little hesitantly) "Sure, I mean, it just makes it easier if I don't have to worry about even being able to get into that stuff."
M: (laughing hysterically, unable to utter coherent words.)

So he didn't know that password to these parental controls that he set up? Hmmmmm...anyway, the relationship fizzled pretty quickly after that little episode.

Eat An Earbud

My cat ate my iPod earphones. I don't know why she thought they would be good. I think she learned it from VBG's dogs. They know how to eat anything---jellybeans, cameras, jeans, if they can get it, they'll eat it. Yeah, so Henri ate the iPod earphones. So I went to buy new ones yesterday. They didn't have the same model that I originally had, so I bought a different variety. They kept spontaneously popping out of my ears. I don't know if you can return earphones or not, but I'm going to try, despite the fact that it seems a little unsanitary to me. Maybe they send them back to the factory for sterilization and re-packaging or something. What a disaster!!!

Hints

1)The pick-up line, "Can I help you with something?" just isn't that great. In recent weeks, I have heard it twice. And, honestly, unless it is obvious that I am in distress---i.e. I dropped a huge box on my foot and I can't move it or my car isn't starting or an obscenely large chipmunk is attacking my shoelaces---I most likely will not need help. It made no sense to me when a random guy in a grocery store parking lot asked me if I needed help while I was loading groceries into my car. It also made no sense to me when some guy at the bar asked me if I needed help while I was closing my tab. I mean, if these guys were hoping that I'd say something like, "Oh yes, I really need help finding a good orgasm!" Then they're just living in an alternate universe. I just don't think that sort of thing happens in real life, well, at least not in the real life I live in. Anyway, I didn't go out with either guy. Though one might have procured my number...
2)If a girl is in an obviously annoying conversation with a guy at a bar and keeps looking at you for help, please, just lend a hand. You don't have to go out with her. Just help her get rid of him. Don't just stand there listening to said conversation and laughing. Step in and say you're sorry you kept her waiting or anything to get the irritating offender away. We'll be forever grateful and think you're a really good guy!

Two Stacks Of Pepperoni

In an incident somewhat related to the newspaper, I was walking to the bank yesterday, and I came upon two stacks of pepperonis sitting on the sidewalk. There were about twenty pepperonis in each stack. They looked like they had been out in the sun for a little too long, and were sitting next to a cement post. It almost looked like someone had placed them there purposely. I found them more puzzling than the "Please Don't Steal" newspaper. So I walked away singing to myself, "I need two stacks of pepperoni..." That was to the tune of "Two Pina Coladas," in case you couldn't tell in writing.

Newspaper

I saw this newspaper laying on the ground today. It was on the sidewalk near a strip mall. It was in a blue plastic newspaper bag. Written on the bag was "Please Don't Steal." I couldn't tell who it belonged to. I kind of want to go back to see if there is another paper with the same description there tomorrow. And then maybe spy to see who takes it.

Quote Of The...

Every now and again I think I'll post a random quote that made me laugh. Possibly you can find a way to use it in your own life. So here's the first quote of the...

"F-ing freeloader...I hate him."

If that isn't funny to you, maybe you can think of someone who would fit the description in your life. And then it might be funny.

Apology

First a little background. My ex-husband--we'll refer to him as the E from now on--works in the hotel industry. Apparently the following note was left in one of the rooms in his hotel recently, and it is completely true. I swear. The description of the state of the room in the note was accurate. I know it's unbelievable that there is a person out there who would write this...

Food For Talk

Recently I was thinking about how whenever I talk to my parents we end up on the subject of food,generally what we are eating for dinner or what we ate for dinner the night before. For a little while, I thought that seemed like a fairly odd conversation topic. I mean, who really cares what we eat for dinner? It just seemed like a "why bother" sort of topic. But then I realized that I actually seem to talk about food with an awful lot of people who I don't see regularly. Dinner, lunch, or going out to eat seems to come up fairly often in all my conversations with my friends and family who live miles and miles away. And I like talking about it. So I came to two conclusions. 1) I am obsessed with food. This is highly likely, since I did decide that my family really does like to eat and drink and discuss what makes a meal good or bad. I was just raised to appreciate a good meal. 2) Talking about the more everyday sorts of things like meals makes us all feel a little closer to the ones who are 1500 miles away. It's like you are sharing a little part of their day and are nearer to them on account of it. You can picture them having vegetable soup for supper and feel good about it. So I'd say, if you don't talk about meals with your loved ones, I'd give it a shot. It's quite pleasant. Plus, it's very helpful if you can't decide what to eat for supper!