Merry Christmas!

I promise to post more in January--but for now Happy Holidays!

The Definition Of Stupidity

On the way to San Francisco, we stopped to eat in Barstow. You may have seen that Taco Bell has gotten some bad press recently due to an E.Coli outbreak. This did not stop us from grabbing some dollar menu values on our road trip. It did, however, appear to stop many other possible patrons from visiting Taco Bell that night. And that was what became our downfall. After taking a couple bites of the food, it became evident that this was the food that was cooked at 12:00PM (it was 7:00PM at the time.) I also overheard the workers discussing the "12 customers in 5 hours" they had experienced. It was around the time that I stated that the potatoes tasted like they had been fried about 5 times over that we both felt a little queasy. The real insanity hit at about noon the next day though, as P&AF began projectile vomitting in a pub on Howard Street. Oh yes, we had a fun rest of the weekend in the hotel room. So I do not recommend eating at a restaurant that is suffering from a recent food poisoning outbreak.

Uniform Thievery

At Von's last night we were in the frozen food aisle. There was a gentleman who appeared to be a Von's worker or distributor straightening the Weight Watcher's Smart Ones dinners. We were searching for jalapeno poppers. When we couldn't find them, P&AF asked the guy straightening the Smart Ones. The man replied, "I don't work here." Apparently he stole the Von's uniform and name badge from somewhere and decided to wear it to the grocery store while facing the frozen foods aisle as an elaborate ruse to confuse unsuspecting shoppers.

Motivated Sellers

We took a look at a condo tonight. Some of the cabinets in the kitchen didn't open properly. The walls were dirty. There was a huge crack in a wall. The carpets were not in good shape. The toilet was permanently running. The kitchen flooring was crappy. There were dead bugs and a foot print in the bathtub. The realtor said that the seller was very motivated and would do whatever it took to sell. Minus cleaning the place up, I guess.

Depression Triggers

Going out to purchase a take-and-bake pizza from Papa Murphy's, and then having all the toppings slide off to the bottom of the oven where they instantly burst into flames as you are taking the perfectly cooked pizza out of the oven.

The Lurker

Back when FW&BF and I used to go out (when we lived in the same town, that is,) we used to see the same person every time. We referred to him as "The Lurker." Now he wasn't the exact same person every time, but there was always a lurker there. Lurkers appear to be interested in you, but they never actually manage to say anything to you. They just keep popping up wherever you are in the bar. We were constantly afraid that The Lurker would get up the courage to say something to us, as generally we were not interested in The Lurker. So it created an interesting sort of shuffle around the bar, a constant game of positioning yourself away from The Lurker, and then finding the The Lurker next to you once again, and re-positioning yourself. I miss those days.

A Polly Rink

Last night we went to Montelago Village to go ice skating. The internet said that they had a floating ice rink. We thought it sounded a little weird; it seemed like it might be hard to keep your balance while a floating ice rink was bouncing around. We got to the rink, prepared with our extra layers of socks, and were dismayed to see the size of the rink. We did not end up paying $30.00 to ice skate. It was tiny. And, there were many little children skating around with their traffic cones. Basically several accidents waiting to happen for a klutz like me.

So we went to Sunset & Vines for wine and appetizers. It was excellent. I recommend the crab cakes and the sliders too. The Joel Gott Cabernet wasn't half bad either.

Dirty Tricksters

We went out dancing at Cherry last night. It is the nightclub at the Red Rock Casino. It's a pretty cool place, fairly small, but easy to get into. They have a pool/patio area that is gorgeous. The DJ began the night by playing hip hop and rap. And all of a sudden they changed to house music. I can't stand house music. I think it should either be hip hop or house music night. The dancing was over once the house music started.

Quote of the (9)...

"She's hotter than a Mexican pepper."

Black Friday Definition

I thought to myself--I really don't like crowds, but maybe I will do some online shopping on Friday, as long as I'm home. I want a new set of pots and pans, in addition to my Christmas presents, of course. I had flyers for quite a few stores, but I didn't see the perfect set on sale. So I figured I'd see what was on sale at Macy's and Dillards. I tried to go to macys.com. I got some message about how they were too busy, and that I needed to wait while other shoppers finished up. As it turns out, I will not be doing any shopping this Black Friday!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Gobble! Gobble!

Happiness And Wishes

Happy Birthday Dad!

Is That A Swimsuit?

P&AF and I went to the heated pool to swim some laps. After we had been there for awhile, a couple came out of the indoor hot tub with their two kids. I'm assuming that the kids were theirs, but it is possible that they were babysitting. The little girl (maybe 6?) was wearing a sort of little white ballet outfit or dance outfit. It was completely see through, with some silver glitter in front. She also was wearing just plain underwear as bottoms. The couple then proceeded to make out in the hot tub. The kids were alternating between playing in the hot tub and playing in the pool. Either way, it didn't seem to affect the parents getting hot and heavy. They were going at it whether Jane and Junior were a foot away or not.

About Spinning

We tried a spinning class tonight. I've never been to one before. I thought it was a pretty good workout. But-I did not know that it was a high impact workout-whooo--that workout was made for a superior sports bra. We're talking 4 barbells; if you happen to know the barbell system. It also was a little harder on the knees than I anticipated. The funnest part of the class was the singing. In between telling us to tighten up the tension on the bikes, the instructor would take little breaks to turn down the music and tell us to shout out the words. Picture ten sweaty, out-of-breath spinners singing, "I...can't...get...no....SATISFACTION!!!" It was a trip. Then at the end of the end of the class, during the cool down, the instructor went through to ask everyone to name something they love. P&AF said, "Turkey Tom." This confused a majority of the class.

See What I Mean?

I just saw the headline about the cruise ship pulling into Florida with some 700-odd passengers on board who are sick with the stomach flu. That is one reason why I have always been a little bit afraid of taking a cruise. They must be so germy if everyone gets sick that fast, and then there is no way to get away from it. You're just stuck on the sick boat in the middle of the ocean. It sounds horrible.
That's only one of my slightly irrational fears. I can't think of any other ones right now. Except for the possibility that I might get hit in the head by a stray rock that flies up from a car tire as I am waiting to cross the street.

Blogger's Block

So, for the first time during my post every day in November plan, I feel like I have nothing to say.
I think we're going to get a take-out Thanksgiving from a restaurant instead of cooking. My kitchen is too small, and there are only two of us. It would probably just make a huge mess, and we wouldn't get to make everything we wanted anyway. I don't know what restaurant to go with yet. Next year, I am hoping to have a nice kitchen that is perfect for making a turkey. And jello pretzel salad. We will make jello pretzel salad this year to supplement the restaurant take-out.

Awesome

Basketball practice in jeans with black leather assless chaps on top.

Where I Find Them

As I was going through security at the airport the other day, I began to take off my shoes and my coat. The agent standing behind the metal detector looked at me, reiterating that I needed to take off my shoes and my coat-"Yeah, that's right. Take off your shoes. And your coat. And your pants. And your undergarments."

Health Insurance...or Not!

I think health care in Nevada is the worst that I've ever encountered. If I try to use the HMO tier of my plans, then it takes about 3 months to see a doctor. If I use the PPO tier, then I can't get any tests that I need. I finally saw a good doctor last weekend. And then, when she ordered a test, my insurance denied coverage. They will cover it if I wait until the end of January for an appointment with the HMO people. Luckily health care is really not time sensitive. Right?

The Barefoot Airplane Problem

I took a plane to Reno today. The problem with taking your shoes off on a plane is not so much the actual taking off of the shoes. The problem lies in taking off the shoes, and then proceeding to take over your neighbor's space with your barefeet. Taking off your shoes and resting them comfortably in your space, right in front of your seat or under the seat in front of you is good. Taking off your shoes and crossing one of your barefeet over your knee, with your ankle up on your thigh, and your barefoot hanging out into your neighbor's space, often touching their thigh, is disgusting. Keep your barefeet off me.

Cat Terrors

I have mentioned the cat haven that is my apartment complex in previous posts. There is one cat that is currently very, very annoying. We refer to it as the "cow-cat." This is because it is large with black and white markings like a Holstein. This cat likes to yowl through all hours of the night and day. It sounds like it is saying, "Mrooowwww---yo-yo-yo-yoo-yoo-yo-o-o-o-o...." This is not the most pleasant sound at 4:30AM.
Also, Henri has taken to knocking over the papason chair for fun. I thought that she was doing it accidentally, i.e. she just went to lay down in it, and then her weight caused it to topple. However, I witnessed her, in one of her frantic moods, tearing about the house tonight. She walked in the office, knocked over the papason, and then walked back out of the office non-chalantly. She promptly began attacking a brush, further demonstrating her feistiness. I think it is because she is on a diet.

Halfway There

The Packers beat the Vikings today. That means I am half way to a great season.

House Hunting

One of my favorite things about looking for a new house is when the seller's try to convey the urgency with which our new home must be purchased.
Seller: "You know, these incentives aren't going to last forever."
The best part is that P&AF always responds to them.
P&AF: "Really? Are you sure? I kind of thought they would..."
The sellers then become flustered. Often another seller, listening from another room will join the conversation to reinforce the urgency that the first seller was trying to make us feel. It's excellent.
I generally just watch in amusement, wondering if the sellers all really think that I am somehow going to drop $200,000.00 on a townhouse that I just saw for the very first time 20 minutes ago. No big deal really, kind of like picking out a candy bar at the drug store.

Barefoot and Bizarre

I went to a seminar for work yesterday. I walked into the room, which was more like a dungeon than a lecture hall. The walls and ceiling were all black; the tables were black; and there were small lights placed around the room, like those you would find over a bar in a house. It was also freezing cold. Anyway, I looked for a spot when I came in. I found an open seat at a table with a guy who looked fairly normal...upon first glance. After sitting down, I first noticed that he had taken his shoes off. He had been wearing loafers with no socks, and then took them off to sit with his legs crossed on his plastic chair. Every now and then he would also bend one leg completely up, and sit with his arm wrapped around it. He was wearing khaki shorts and a biker's shirt with his barefoot-ness. I get very grossed out when people take their shoes off at inappropriate times. It isn't that I don't like feet, because I have nothing against them in general. But I just don't understand why people need to take them off in seminars or on planes. Or at least, if they take them off, they could keep their feet discreetly hidden. Like under the airplane seat in front of them, or under the table---anyplace where I don't have to see them or hallucinate that I'm smelling them. This seminar guy also asked several questions of the presenter; he even made some "suggestions," which mostly seemed to irritate the presenter. The funniest part was that a couple times he was asked what business he was in. He answered (in as many words as possible) that it was extremely long and complicated, and he really couldn't go into it; there just wasn't enough time. I had trouble not laughing. It's humorous (and slightly ironic) when people spend as much time as possible telling you that they just do not have the time to explain something.

Do I Belong Now?

In all the places that I've lived since high school, I find that it usually takes awhile before I feel comfortable in a new geographical area of the country. There are some places that never ended up feeling right to me. It was like I was constantly living on a different wavelength or plane of existence than everyone there. Northern California was great; I think it was the first place that truly felt like home to me. So the transition to living in Vegas has definitely had some hitches. One, of course, would be the weather, but more than that it has to do with the general climate created by the people. That's how it is in most places, it's whether you really fit in with the people wherever you're living. At least for me, that's how it is. The other night I was driving home from work, and I drove past the intersection where this entertaining guy hangs out. He wears insane costumes; sometimes he looks like a clown, other times he is wearing an expensive looking suit. He usually stands there yelling at cars, playing the keyboard, or making gestures as people drive by. So, as I was saying, the other night I was sitting at the light where he stands. He looked at me, smiled, waved, and blew me a kiss. That must mean I'm starting to get it here. It's all falling into place.

Voting Pays

As I mentioned before, we spent Sunday at Big Dog's watching the Packers game. One of the topics of conversation was the upcoming election. P&AF and I were the only two non-smokers out of a group of 8 people or so. We were discussing Question 5, which was an Indoor Clean Air Act of sorts. We actually had two smoking bans on the ballot here, but Question 4 was mostly written by casino advocates and a lot more lenient. Question 5 would ban smoking in all establishments that prepare food. I think there are some exceptions, but it is actually pretty strict. Anyway, P&AF and I wanted the bill to pass, so that the Packers bar wouldn't be so smokey.
Our conversation went like this-
P&AF: "So you're all going out to vote "No" on Question 5, right? So you can keep smoking here?"
Smokers: "No, what? That's not going to pass here anyway. That'll never pass in Nevada."
P&AF: "You don't think so?"
Smokers: "Nah, we're not going to vote. We only vote for president."
P&AF: "Perfect."
So, Tuesday rolls around, and we head to the polls to vote. I wake up this morning and QUESTION 5 PASSED!!! Quite the funny joke from my perspective...BUT Question 5 would NEVER pass in Nevada!

Vote!

I hope that you all went out and voted today.
After I finished voting, I was sitting on a bench in the lobby area of the library. A family of five came in to vote. There was a mom, a dad, and three little kids, all under about 5. The smallest little girl went running up to this big cow statue. It was pretty much the size of a real cow, and painted with a Las Vegas cityscape in Van Gogh style. The little girl was calling it something, like Nene. She gave it a big hug. It was just the funniest picture. A little tiny two year-old blonde girl hugging the head of this multi-colored cow statue.
It was a good end to my voting.

More Name Games

While at the Packers bar yesterday, P&AF's friend kept referring to me as Meredith. I often get that. Of course, not so often do I get it after knowing the person for about a year, and having the person pronounce my name correctly several times. P&AF kept trying to emphasize my name correctly. "MARYSE really wants Packer tickets for Christmas this year..." It didn't seem to have any effect. Possibly she thought she was saying "Maryse."

Bad Omen

When you are watching your favorite football team, and your center perfectly hikes the ball...right into your quarterback's face. Yeah, it happened. Yeah, we lost.

The Buzz And Boring

I think this blog might get kind of boring if I post every single day this month.
Every morning (during the week) when I leave my house, I hear a buzz alarm going off in a nearby apartment. I wonder how it can be going off for that long. I wonder why the person doesn't snooze it. I've never been much of a fan of the buzz. It actually gives me an adrenalin rush, similar to that of the experience of narrowly missing a head-on collision with a semi on a two-way highway. In college, my roommate used the buzz. It was horrible. She would snooze it, and then forget that she snoozed it, and leave to shower. It would go off again, while she was gone. I'd just be laying in bed, with my adrenalin-fueled heart racing at first, and then subsiding into a slower resigned beat of frustration and dread as I thought "Why am I awake at 7AM? Why won't the buzz stop? How am I going to shut it off? Will this pillow over my head help at all? What time did I even get in last night??" The pillows, and anything else within my reach, would then start flying across the room. I don't think I ever managed to shut it off.

Camp Ho

Last weekend P&AF and I went camping with a group of friends in Yosemite. We went grocery shopping the night before we left. As we were checking out, P&AF comments to the clerk.
P&AF: "Can you believe I get to camping with this girl?"
Clerk: "Don't worry, she'll put out."
P&AF: (At a loss for words.) "Really..."
Clerk: "Yeah, don't forget the condoms."
I was about 5 feet away looking at newspapers at the time of this conversation. I only caught the very end.
Clerk: "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
Seriously? Is there something about camping trips that I don't know? Or do my jeans and sweatshirt somehow appear to be a tiny miniskirt with a halter top and 8-inch gold hoops to random grocery store clerks?

They Won't Touch You

As we entered a haunted house called "Mortuary" on Halloween, the gatekeeper told us that the actors would not touch us if we didn't touch them. We walked through the winding, dark hallways and came to a room that was made up of twin bed size compartments of chain link fence. The three people in front of us walked in between the compartments, and a supposedly dead person began swinging a piece of the fence out towards them. We began walking through, and the fence swung out, hitting me in the arm. The actor immediately broke character and goes, "Oh, Sorry!" I couldn't stop laughing after that. He just sounded so worried and sincere.

Everyday

I heard that bloggers are supposed to post every single day for the month of November. I don't know if I can handle the challenge. I might try though. I am a fan of the month of November. I especially like Thanksgiving. I am also excited to see Turkey Tom on Thanksgiving.

Happy Halloween!!

A Little Too Late

A coworker brought Butterfingers around to everyone for Halloween today. It was near the end of the day. I thought briefly about saving mine for tomorrow. But, ultimately, my love of chocolate won out. I opened up the butterfinger, and popped a piece of it in my mouth. As I chewed, I felt the sticky butterfingery-ness adhering to my teeth. And at that moment I also remembered that I was on my way to a dentist appointment in less than an hour. And I also had no toothbrush with me.

I Shouldn't Have...

If you watch Dancing With The Stars, you may have seen the episode where they did a move that looks a little chicken-ish in nature. Joey Lawrence actually complained that he looked like a chicken while doing it. It's where you sort of move your shoulders forward and back while stepping. It actually looks pretty hot when the trained professionals do it. Last night we were at a concert; O.A.R. was playing. I decided that I ought to try out the chicken move. Everything was going just fine until I elbowed the woman next to me. I felt my face transform into a look of horror as my elbow rammed into the flesh of her arm. I turned around and apologized right away, and she was very forgiving. It ended my O.A.R. crowd dancing career for awhile. Don't worry though; I wasn't deterred for long. A little later I was able to find a song that was worthy of a little polka--much safer for me!

I Can't...

On a morning radio show, I heard a little segment on things that everyone else can do, but you can't. People called in with talents like rolling your tongue or driving a stick shift.
I decided that mine is being able to shake my shoulders (in dancer-like fashion) without simultaneously shaking my ass. I just can't do it. I look like a dog shaking water out of its coat. Sadly I've always wanted to be a dancer too.
On a related note, the radio hosts discussed the fact that it is impossible to lick your elbow. And, yes, I tried while sitting at a stoplight.

Egger Suit

P&AF and I were walking back from going out for pizza the other night. We were walking down a main road near my apartment. It has three lanes going each way, a speed limit of 45 mph, lots of lights, and is relatively busy when you get closer to the strip. As we were walking, a little silver car drove by, and they threw something out the window at us. We didn't get hit, and we didn't actually see what was thrown. I was quite displeased. Why would someone want to throw things out the window at us? I guess it could be worse... As we continued to walk, we met up with a large, well-dressed man who approached us when he got near.
WDM: "Excuse me, can I ask you something?"
Me and P&AF: "Sure. What's up?"
WDM: "Did someone just throw eggs at you guys?"
P&AF: "Yeah, actually they did. I think it was kids."
WDM: "Yeah, well they got me."
(WDM pulls the side of his shirt and pants out for better viewing.)
Me: "Ugh-That sucks."
WDM: "Yeah, did you guys happen to see their license plate or anything?"
P&AF: "No, man, sorry."
Me: "We didn't turn around soon enough."
The man seemed fairly dejected and we each continued on our separate ways at that point. I remember people egging houses when I was growing up, but egging people? I'm not really a fan of either practice, but it just seems really rude to go for people. I would have been very sad had I gotten hit by the eggs. And my clothes weren't half as nice as WDM.

At Bill's

P&AF's car battery died yesterday. I heard this is a common occurrence in the desert. I guess the heat stresses the batteries out or something. The car is still under warranty, but it sure has been a pain to get the stupid battery replaced. The tow truck from roadside assistance was given the wrong address to start. Then the service department was a mess. To borrow a term from B, (though I don't like to swear in the blog) it was a clusterf*ck. Or catastrof*ck (borrowed from Jon Stewart,) if you prefer. The service representative appeared to have the thinking capacity of a cockroach. He refused to do anything about looking at the car yesterday, and he also would not authorize a rental. He wouldn't even make an appointment for today. I'm honestly not really sure what the point of his job was. It was just a battery for gosh sakes! His high intelligence is illustrated in this example.
SF(You can guess what that stands for): "You see, our technicians put in long days. They work twelve hour days. They are here from 8AM until 5PM every day."
Now, why the special service manual from the dealership lists that their service department is open from 7AM-7PM Monday through Friday, I'll never know. Even SF made sure to remind us every 5 minutes that he was off at 6:00PM, errr...5:30PM. Anyway, they promised that the car would be ready today at 5PM, so that is where we're headed. I'm still skeptical. They also promised that the "Quick Lube" department would be able to take the car at 1:30 PM today. That didn't so much happen, and the car wasn't even seen until 3PM.
There were many other angry customers sitting around the service department yesterday too--my favorite comment was, "I hate this f*cking place. Are you guys getting the royal screw too?"
I'm going to stay away from Bill's in the future.

I Said I Wouldn't Go Back

I know that at some point in time I mentioned that I would not be spending time at the Imperial Palace any time in the near future. I was incorrect in that statement. TG stayed at the IP, so that's where we ended up hanging out. At the old favorite IP bar---and if I have any advice for you, it is DO NOT drink the rail vodka there. Luckily, the hole in the wall Tiki-type bar was able to provide a little entertainment this time.
When we sat down, there were two girls seated at the end of the bar. There was also a guy in a white hat, who appeared to be hitting on one or both of the girls. We sat down at the bar, with me on the end closest to the two girls. I was just sitting in my chair pondering the wonder of ending up at IP AGAIN, when all of a sudden a chair came flying into me. I turned to see White Hat Guy (WHG) stumbling over the fallen chair. I then noticed that he appeared to have been recently shoved or hit by one of two guys nearby. The action dissipated pretty quickly after that. The two other guys ran off, and WHG sat down, muttering over his bad luck under his breath. One of the girls could be seen shoving one of the fighters out on the main casino floor. He also appeared to be receiving a verbal lashing, but I couldn't hear it from my seat. After a few minutes, WHG turned to me.
WHG: "Excuse me, but, can I ask you a question?"
Me: "Ummm...okay."
WHG: "I'm hotter than those guys, right?"
Me: "I really only saw one of them, but yeah, you were definitely hotter than him. And I think the other guy too."
(He was better looking than them anyway, but even if he wasn't, what would be the point in me saying anything but that?)
WHG: "Well, that's one out of two anyway."
WHG: "Vegas. I swear. People are crazy here. I mean that wouldn't happen in Europe..."
He continued muttering for a little while but I couldn't really tell if he was talking to me or not.

Tornado Survival

On Friday night I went to the Stratosphere with P&AF and his friend, who we'll call "That Guy," of course, TG for our purposes. We wanted to go on one of the rides, so we bought the ticket up the elevator to the observation deck. We went on the X-Scream ride, which was very cold, but pretty fun. The ride is designed to make you think that you are about to go hurtling from the top of the Stratosphere with a dozen other unlucky people. I definitely screamed, but it didn't end up being the bad idea that I thought it was before the ride began. P&AF and I liked it; TG seemed pretty much unaffected by the whole thing. I swear that when we looked at the pictures they take while you're on the ride at the scariest part, he appeared to be sitting on a park bench. Surprisingly neither P&AF nor TG got sick---even after the half frozen blue Mermaids drinks they had consumed beforehand. Afterwards we had to take the elevator back down. The elevator attendant was discussing the lack of customers he had seen that evening. He figured that it was because it was rather windy, and only one ride was open. He then went into a little tale about a Las Vegas Tornado Warning.
Elevator Attendant: "Yeah, so one day, I came into work, and they told us there was a tornado warning."
Skeptical Passenger: "A tornado in Vegas?"
Elevator Attendant: "Yeah. It was weird. I mean, the sky was completely clear and blue. They just told us that we needed to watch out for the tornado."
Seriously?

Just In Case

If you were worried that I would not be getting my toll violations since leaving the Bay Area, don't be! Nearly five months after my departure, I managed to receive yet another toll violation for the Bay Bridge yesterday. If my car didn't have completely new plates on it from Nevada, I'd think that it was taking joy rides when I wasn't around.

A Worthy Profession

On Saturday P&AF and I went to the Hard Rock to give blood. We try to make giving blood a habit, and I think we went to the Hard Rock hoping for some food vouchers or something better. We only ended up with these weird T-shirts though. They never actually order the shirts in different sizes, so they never have anything close to fitting me. Great, another XL...maybe I could sleep in it? Or try to shrink it? The whole donation experience started off on a high note. P&AF was taken back for qualification first. He was flirting with the technician and making quite the show of it. I got called back next. As we were going through my questions, a loud whoop of excitement came from P&AF's little fabric partitioned area. My technician paused in his questions and said, "Has he been drinking?" I just started laughing and said, "Actually no. He just has a...flamboyant personality..." I think there would have been better words to use, but I couldn't come up with them just then.
So this time, P&AF did a double donation. Supposedly double donations are better for everyone involved. It costs the blood bank less processing time and it gives the donor back some plasma. I wasn't allowed to do a double donation because they have weight restrictions on it, and I didn't make the cut. So I ended up finishing quite a bit before P&AF. I was sitting in the canteen area, making faces at P&AF across the room, when a guy carrying a few carafes of juice walked by. He looked at me and offered some juice.
Juice Guy: "Would you like some juice."
Maryse: "Yes, please."
JG: "Orange?"
M: "Orange sounds good."
(JG heads over to the beverage station, pours a glass of orange juice, and returns it to me.)
JG: "Here you go. Thanks for saving lives today. Your donation really means a lot."
(Keep in mind that JG is not employed by UBS, he is a hotel employee.)
M: "Thanks."
JG: "So what blood type are you?"
M: "O+"
JG: "O+? Me too. I mean how is blood type determined anyway? I mean, I know it comes from your parents, but how? Yeah, of course it comes from your parents."
M (pondering a basic explanation of blood typing genetics, but ultimately giving up): "Yeah, you're right it's genetic it comes from your parents...O is recessive..."
JG: "Oh yeah, sure. So did you do that machine thing?"
M (looking helplessly at P&AF who appears to be amused at the whole thing.): "A double donation? No, there are weight restrictions, and I didn't meet them."
JG: "That's good. I mean, that machine sucks. You just feel all full when it puts the fluid back into you. So then you can't go out drinking later that night. You feel all full. I mean, not that I'm an alcoholic or anything."
M (thinking--next time I'm lying about my weight.): "Oh. Yeah, I can see how that would happen."
JG: "I want them to give me a break to give blood. Then I can just lay there."
M: "They'd probably give you a break to give blood."
JG: "You know what I'm doing today? I'm just making sure that juice stays full. And polishing silverware."
M: "Sounds fun."
JG then introduced himself and left. It was bizarre.
All in all though, a good blood-giving experience. My phlebotomist was awesome. The needle didn't hurt at all going in, and even more amazingly, I didn't feel it coming out! I'd meet a weirdo for that any day.

Drunk As A Fish

This fish was on the outside of the Rock'nFish Restaurant in Manhattan Beach. It was a pretty good restaurant, but I think I like the fish picture more than I actually liked the food. I'd like a T-Shirt with this fish on it. Other than that Manhattan Beach was wonderful. The water was so warm!
I did end up with a couple baby crabs in my swimsuit top, however. It's scary when those things fall off you when you're undressing!!!

Perm-Dehydration

On Sunday night, I was lamenting the fact that I would be going to work the following morning. In an attempt to make myself feel better, I decided to have a taste test of the current vodkas I own. The vodkas in the running were: Belvedere, Six, Stolichnaya, and Hangar One. The only thing that was really evident was that Six lost by far. I had been drinking it mixed with lemonade when it was originally purchased, but in a shot taste test with those others, it just didn't hold up. I think mostly because it smelled like McCormicks. Anyway, I only drank about 5 shots, and then had one glass of wine later. I ended up feeling pretty sick all night, and I've been dehydrated since then. I keep trying to drink tons and tons of water, but the situation is not improving. I don't know what the deal is. On top of that, I kept imagining that spiders were crawling on my arms and face while I was trying to sleep this morning. Obviously I'm on the precipice of the slippery slope...

Quote of the...(8)

In reference to test driving a car--
"I felt like I was driving a go cart outside of Wal-Mart (I was looking for the coin slot.)"

Uncouth

I went to a movie last night. It was the premiere of Accepted. I thought it was an okay movie. Fun, but nothing spectacular. A lot like every other college-type movie. Anyway, the theatre was crowded, being a free premiere and all, and I was seated next to a young man of about 14 or 15. He was overweight with greasy brown hair that was somewhat tied back with an Accepted bandana. He was chatting with some younger kids near him about Pokemon. To my surprise and horror, at one point during the conversation, he sat up a little bit in his chair, and farted. I was so disgusted. He just continued with his conversation as if nothing had happened. In a few minutes, the sequence repeated itself, except that this time he laughed with the little kids about it. I started planning in my head what I would say the next time it happened. P&AF, of course, had some completely inappropriate ideas of what to say. The kid was there with what I would assume was his mother, so I figured I out to say something somewhat tame. How rude though!!! What was wrong with that kid?

Pictures I Like

This is my cat and her gerbil.




This is the black widow from the pool I told you about.

Atrocious

You know how sometimes you hear people say (maybe in a movie, if not in real life) how they aren't going to have kids, just because they can't bring kids into a cruel world like this? Generally I don't really relate to that sentiment, because despite all the craziness of it, I think it's a pretty wonderful place. But a couple days ago I heard something that made me think not only should I not have kids, but I should probably just walk off the planet and save the world from one less terrible human. I was listening to the radio, and they were interviewing a man who runs a soup kitchen for the homeless here in town. Sounds good right?? Until you hear how his soup kitchen is funded. For $5 people can come see the homeless people that use the soup kitchen. And, oh boy, the $5 pays for more than just a viewing. That $5 will allow a patron to throw a urine-filled water balloon at the homeless people. The man said that the lines for this service are always long and the homeless people "love it. And, besides, if you've worked with the homeless at all, you know that they are always peeing on themselves anyway."
1) I cannot believe that anyone came up with this plan to begin with.
2) I cannot believe that there are lines of people to participate.
I realize that the homeless people are getting a meal out of it. I realize that the owner of the operation claims that they like it. BUT-I really thought or hoped that there were very few sane people who would consider this reasonable behavior. Aren't we supposed to, within our means, protect those who cannot protect themselves? Maybe I'm way off base though.

Van De Haar

There is a puffy black cat who lives in my apartment complex somewhere. I think his name is Van De Haar. Or something like it. Sometimes the owner walks around yelling for him, so that is why I think his name is Van De Haar. Van De Haar is a great cat because he patrols the pool area for cockroaches. Not only is it entertaining to watch Van De Haar stalking his prey in the shadows of the palm trees and bushes while floating around in the pool, but it is also nice to have less cockroaches.

Not Cool

Someone stole the radio antenna on my car! It isn't that big of a deal because the radio still seems to be coming in fine, maybe with a little extra static, but seriously. What jerks! I feel like if I buy a new one, it will just get stolen again. I think I'll leave it alone for now. Maybe I can buy one on eBay.
I remembered something else that was stolen recently. While on a trip to Colorado, P&AF and I went to the pool. It was raining out a little bit, so we put our shirts, towels, and room keys on a counter in this little cabana area. While we were there, another couple came down to the pool area. There were two hot tubs, and they got in the other one. They also left before us. We then went to leave, and all our stuff was gone. We found our shirts in the dirty towel bin--yuck! And our room keys were gone. We were thieved at at the pool!!!!

Quote Of The...(7)

At a wedding this past weekend, I was told this is the best pick-up line ever.

"Wanna go halves on a bastard?"

Widow Shining

I was out at the pool the other night, floating around happily in the dark. The raft started heading toward one of the rock islands in the pool area. The rock islands are supposed to have nice water falls coming down off of them, but the apartment complex is too cheap to turn them on. Or maybe they're broken and the apartment complex is too lazy to fix them. I don't know. Anyway, the raft was heading towards the island, headfirst. I turned around, and there was a huge black widow hanging out over the water in a nice big web. After getting out of the pool, I made P&AF come back down to the pool with me to verify that it was, indeed a black widow. We brought a flashlight and the camera. We snapped a few photos. I should be posting one, but I'm currently just getting my computer back on track--I recently deleted a couple vital parts of the operating system in an attempt to cure a virus---and I haven't gotten my camera hooked up again yet. Anyway, I've told a few people here about the experience, but they don't seem to think it's overly unusual. I was even going to tell the apartment complex to get their pest control going. I guess it isn't that big of a deal though.

Chicken Scal-Woodchip-Pine

We went out to eat at Macaroni Grill (sorry if these out to eat stories are getting boring--I just like to eat.) Though the Mushroom Tortellini appetizer was excellent, I'm not sure I'll be going back any time soon. Most of the customers seemed to have small children, and I just am not at the point where I think listening to screaming kids while the father at the table next to mine explains the font that he invented to his kids over and over again is fun. Anyway, we got our food. I was having chicken scaloppine. I've ordered out from Macaroni Grill before and had it, and I usually think it's pretty good. I was enjoying my meal, and suddenly I bit into something. After isolating the unchewable item in my mouth, I spit out a small woodchip. Yeah, a woodchip in my dinner. We told the waitress, and she had the manager come over. The manager was very, very nice and apologetic. As far as customer service goes in that sort of situation, she was great. (I feel a little guilty for posting this story online actually, but really, this incident wouldn't stop me from eating there again, it was mostly the atmosphere that wasn't to my liking.) Anyway, she comped my meal and also gave us free dessert. The dessert was deep-fried ravioli. It was disgustingly rich and greasy; I enjoyed every minute of it. I think my luck with finding surprises in food must be over now though, since this was the third time this month. I rate Macaroni Grill #1 in handling the situation, PF Changs #2, and Red Robin isn't deserving of the #3 spot; instead they just fail.

So We Meet At Last

In moving around the country, I have found new "dangers" to become accustomed to in each different place. On the East Coast there were hurricanes (or tropical storms by the time they reached me.) On the West Coast there were earthquakes. Here in Vegas I have been dreading meeting my first scorpion. And last night it happened. I was leaving the Imperial Palace, and something scurried in front of me as I walked through the parking garage. I thought it looked suspicious, so I bent down to take a closer look. And, sure enough, it looked just like one of the scorpions I saw in the Southwest taxonomy book I recently thumbed through. It was a "whip tail scorpion" rather than a regular stinger tail variety. I think that made it a little less scary. Just the same, I spent a majority of the drive home worrying that scorpions were crawling on my feet and up my legs. At least that horrible first meeting is out of the way! As for the Imperial Palace, personally, I would avoid it if possible. This is the second time I was there in a one week time period, and I wasn't impressed either time. The best thing I can think of about it is the little arcade area. Others rave about the stiff drinks, which I guess is good, but I think I'd just as well drink a bottle in my room and then head out to a club. The "Dealertainers" are also rather amusing, but I can still think of other casinos I'd rather visit. P&AF observed that the bottom of the pool is branded with the intials "IP," and remarked that "IP" and "pool" really don't go all that well together. At least it doesn't make me want to swim there. The gift shop sells old license plates. I didn't even know that was something you could do; I mean they made such a big deal about me turning my old plates into the DMV in California. Otherwise if someone stole them, I might be held responsible for their use in crimes. We also tried to go to the car museum, but it was 15 minutes out from closing, and the woman wanted to charge us full price. I guess the rooms there seem okay, so if you get a good deal, then why not? I'm going to do my best to avoid it from now on though.

At 13

There's a club in town at the new Hooters Hotel & Casino that was the San Remo. I guess they call it 13 Martini Bar. It is a "retro martini lounge with nightly live music." On Wednesday nights, they offer free drinks to ladies between 9PM and 12AM. As usual (well, not necessarily as usual in Las Vegas, but as you might expect anyway) the drinks they offer for free are rail drinks. Just the same, free drinks are free drinks. When we got there, the two fab ladies we were with went up to the bar to order drinks. They each got white wine. I wasn't going to drink to begin with, but when the waitress came around I decided I would order after all. I sort of wanted champagne, but figured that wasn't included, so I went with red wine. The waitress came back empty handed quite a bit later.
Waitress: "I'm sorry, wine isn't included in the free drinks special."
Maryse: "What? My friends just got some wine, right there." (pointing across the table.)
Waitress: "Who?"
Maryse: "Them, right across the table from me. That's wine. White wine."
Waitress: "Ummmm..okay. I talked to the bartender, and we decided it wasn't included, but I'll go ask again. What kind of wine did you want again?"
Maryse: "Just your house red."
Waitress: "What's that? I mean, what kind does that mean?"
Maryse: "Just red wine. Whatever you usually serve. Your house red wine."
Waitress: "Okay..."
She returned after another ten minutes or so.
Waitress: "We don't have that. The bartender didn't know what it was."
Maryse: "Fine. Just bring me a vodka/cran."
The waitress actually did bring me by a glass of red wine some time later. I don't know what the hang-up was.
Otherwise 13 Martini Bar seemed like a nice enough place. The band wasn't great, but the sax player was really good. They need to put up another curtain to separate the bar from the casino. It loses a little class with the slot machines and Hooters girls just on the other side of the bar.

Food Surprises

I went out to eat twice last weekend, which is kind of unusual when there isn't any special event going on. For some reason I was just in the mood. The thing is that twice there were surprises in our food. First, we went to Red Robin. I know some of you are reading this and wondering why I would ever go to Red Robin again after a certain experience we had there years ago. I don't really know actually. So on this trip to Red Robin, we ordered the cheeseburger on a chip dip. It came to the table, and P&AF ate a bite. He then suggested that I not try it, even though it was tasty, and pointed out a thick black hair on top of the dip. We informed the waitress of the issue, and she inspected the dip. She then told us not to worry, that it was just a bristle from their basting brushes. We just told her to take it back. I don't think either of us really cared to have her try to explain what they were basting on the cheese dip. She didn't adjust the dip off our bill or offer a discount or anything. That seems to be how Red Robin operates. I mean, why would I expect a discount for a (supposed) bristle in dip, when they didn't even offer anything for delivering a hamburger that already had a bite taken out of it? I don't think I've actually had a worthy Red Robin meal since leaving Colorado.
So another day, we went out to PF Changs. We ordered the Fried Banana Spring Rolls for dessert. As I went to get a spoon of ice cream, I hit metal. I started digging, and it turned out to be a spring-type apparatus from some cooking utensil, I would guess. We pulled it out, and P&AF decided to mess with the waiter. When we are all finished, the waiter came back, looked at the plate, and this conversation took place:
Waiter: "It looks like you found a little surprise in your dessert."
P&AF: "Yeah, I don't know what that is. I think I chipped my tooth on it though."
Waiter: "What? Really?"
P&AF: "Yeah, look. Is my tooth chipped?"
Waiter: "Ummmm...no?"
P&AF: "Oh good. It really felt like it was."
Waiter: "Well, I'll definitely adjust that from your bill. Sorry about that."
I was just sitting there shaking my head and trying not to laugh. The really funny part is that one of P&AF's front teeth is noticeably chipped from a dangerous playground incident involving a tire swing chain.

Times Are Tough

The other night P&AF and I took a trip to Hollywood Video. As we were checking out with our video, the clerk said something that prompted P&AF to respond with, "I wish I could get a job here." The clerk then responded with conviction, "No, you don't. Believe me, you don't want to work here. I'm just working here to get through school so I can do something else." The clerk went on for awhile about how he gets blamed for computer problems by angry customers, and about how being a video clerk is just horrible. In general, I try not to make comparisons on this sort of thing, because, honestly, unless you are doing a job or are in that particular situation, how can you make a true comparison? Really, unless you actually are that person, you just don't know what circumstances are prompting them to think their situation is the worst ever. However, it's a tad difficult for me to believe that Hollywood Video could be that terrible or stressful. I mean, if he suffers from insomnia due to a customer reaming him out over a fine, then I think he's got bigger problems than working at a video store. The point is, though college could be completely stressful for weeks at a time, I loved my college job and all the people I worked with. It was hugely entertaining. Who knows though, maybe copy stores rank way above video stores? Long Live CR!!!!

Quote Of The...(6)

There are some domestic disputers that live in my apartment complex. It seems like there have been domestic disputers in pretty much every apartment complex that I've ever lived in. These ones are pretty funny though. The other night they were outside yelling at each other at about 1AM. During a particularly heated part of the disagreement the man yells at the woman,
"You know there's a warrant out for my arrest! Why would you call the police?"
(Oh yeah, and it's my first year anniversary with the blog!---So Happy Anniversary Carport Furby!)

Prankster

This is B's story, but I still thought it was funny. He's coming out to see me with his buddy, and decided to ask the check-in attendant at the airport to mess with his friend. Here's the conversation (or a slight variation of it.)

Attendant: "Sir, are you wearing flip-flops?"
Friend: "Well, yeah..."
Attendant: "I'm sorry, you can't wear flip-flops on the aircraft."
Friend: "What?"
Attendant: "You can't wear flip-flops, do you have socks or something in your bag?"
Friend: "Ummmm, yeah..."
Attendant: "Are there any other suspicious items in your bag that I need to know about?"

Cockroach Hysteria

I went camping at a little state park called "Quail Creek" in Utah this weekend. My advice to you (unless you really like the picture posted in this blog) is to NEVER go camping there.
The trip started out okay. It seemed like a great place to camp--great view, pretty sunset, calm lake...
And then as it started getting towards twilight, a couple cockroaches appeared. I was already quite disgusted at this point. I really, really, really hate cockroaches. I know they can't hurt me, but I just can't even stand the sight of them. So by the time it was dark out there were cockroaches everywhere. Red ones, brown ones, black ones, big ones, small ones. They were crawling all over the ground, the picnic table, by the fire, over our feet. I think just after ten I pretty much had a meltdown. One climbed onto my hand, and I freaked out, screaming and waving my arms about wildly. I decided that was the point at which I should get ready for bed and hide in the tent.
I grabbed my backpack, and walked up to the bathroom. And to my horror (seriously horror---picture Nine Inch Nails Closer type horror) there were cockroaches on top of cockroaches on top of spiders in the rocks next to the bathroom. There were huge roaches eating other smaller roaches. I almost ran away screaming then. It was maybe a step less disconcerting than being in the bug room in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom would be. So I looked to the entrance to the restroom, and there were cockroaches all over there to. And to top it off, there was a scary, fat-abdomened black widow hanging out right in front of the entrance. I stood there whimpering for a moment, and then decided that I could survive without the restroom until daylight.
I got into the tent as soon as I could after that. I figured it would be safe. I laid in there cowering, listening to the roaches crawling around outside. I think I dozed off. And then I awoke to a cockroach crawling up my shoulder towards my neck. I flicked it off, and it went running away down the air mattress. It was horrifying. I spent the rest of the night curled into a ball in terror, waiting for the next time a cockroach would climb on me. I was convinced that there were cockroaches lining the edges of the tent next to the air mattress. Of course, when dawn finally came, it turned out to be one rogue cockroach that kept tormenting me all night. Just the same, I totally deserve several million dollars for enduring a Fear Factor worthy night. At least I think so. (And I know I should have gone to the car or a hotel or something, but I couldn't bring myself to leave the tent and venture into the piles of cockroaches outside. I was a disaster.)

Weak and Snobby

I was running some errands on Sunday, and I had some fun experiences.
First, I ran to Goodwill to drop of some textbook donations. I had the books in a box, and I thought they were pretty heavy. It was a trial getting them to the car from my apartment. I don't think I'm super weak or anything, so I swear it was a heavy box. So I pulled up to Goodwill, and I walked over to the donations area. There were two young guys working there, and I told them that I had a box of books that was a little heavy and asked if one of them could come grab it for me. Generally I'm quite self-sufficient and would have gotten the books by myself, but I was already tired, and I'm in the middle of moving anyway. The guy started walking to my car with me and was basically taunting me about asking for help with the heavy box, as in, "Oh, it's a really heavy box is it? I wonder if I'll be able to lift it myself." I think I just looked at him in amazement and laughed a little. The next thing I knew, he picked up the box, and continued the mockery. "Oh, my back. I'm afraid this box is too heavy and I'm going to hurt my back." Weird Goodwill Guy! What's that all about?
Next I went to get the oil changed in my car. I took it to a quick change place, and I asked if they had Valvoline oil. I'm a Valvoline oil fan. The guy didn't know, and he went to ask his manager. The manager came out to talk to me.

Manager: "Yeah, sorry, we don't have Valvoline. We only have Penzoil and Quaker State."
Me: "Oh, really?"
Manager: "Yeah, sorry, I mean, if you bring your own oil in, we can give you a discount."
Me: "Okay. I know I don't want Penzoil, but how's Quaker State?"
Manager: "So you've been putting Valvoline in your car?"
Me: "Yeah."
Manager: "Yeah, then you really don't want to use Quaker State."

Hmmmm...so their product is really....good???? So I brought my own oil in. Yes, I'm an oil snob.

I Heart Banana Slugs

This is the first banana slug I ever saw.
As it turns out I really like banana slugs.

Who's Your Landlord????

There is something really strange about leasing offices. At mine, it is rare that I have a good experience or even speak to anybody working there that seems moderately competent. My favorite situation was when the manager told me that there was a "flat fee" for trash collection, and that it "varied" according to how many times they pick up trash in a month. Okay then. So my roommate is having a lot of fun right now. I'm moving out, and they have to re-check her credit and all to make sure she qualifies on her own. Yesterday they called her to update her on the status of her application. They said that everything was in order, but they just had to check in with her previous landlord. The funny thing is that they were her previous landlord. She stated that fact to them and they claimed that they were just going to go over a couple things with the manager.

Scary Woman

I am currently working on a research paper for my physiological psychology class. We were given a few topics to choose from, and I ended up going with the following:

"Is surgical or chemical castration an effective treatment for habitual sex offenders? Why or why not?"

I just thought it was interesting, and I don't know much about the topic.
So in preparation for the paper, I went to the library over the weekend. I found a few books that seemed to have relevance to the topic. After checking out the books, I started to walk out of the library lobby; there are several sets of theft detectors before the doors, and, of course, I buzzed as I was walking out. I waited in line for the gate attendant to check over my collection of books and verify that I had, indeed, checked out each book I was leaving with. When I got up to the counter, he looked at my first book, which was something about the male psyche, and sort of chuckled. He then got to my second book, aptly titled "Castration," and he got a little flustered. He looked up at me nervously and stammered, "Okay, then Ma'am, you're okay, you can go on through. Alright." I'm pretty sure he was just joking, but he didn't even check over the rest of my books.

Death By Minivan

FW&BF and I took a surprise trip to Vegas over the weekend. You might think that we had this planned, but actually the idea first popped up at about 4PM on Friday, was solidified by 5:15PM, and we were out of town by 7:30PM. One bit of craziness we encountered on the trip (and believe me there was plenty of craziness, though not all ours,) was a minivan. It was a minivan with a very large family in it, and it still had the dealer advertisement plates on it. We were sitting in traffic on 58, approaching the intersection of 58 and 14. It's only a little two lane highway, and the section of it we were sitting on was particularly dangerous. There were double yellow lines, with a rumble strip, and reflectors in the middle. Traffic was at a standstill, because several miles ahead there was a traffic light slowing things up. For some reason, this minivan still thought it was appropriate to pull into the left lane, driving slowly towards oncoming traffic, and then try to merge back into the frozen line of traffic heading to Bakersfield. It was insane to watch, especially considering the semis that would drive by at 70mph every now and again. I still can't figure out what they were thinking; I have never witnessed a worse driving decision. We passed them later when the highway turned back into two lanes on each side, and they didn't appear to be in a hurry. A small child was hanging out with the two adults in the front with no seatbelt. I guess, if you're going to do it, you might as well do it right.

Triple Take

As I was driving into work today, I saw something that I don't usually see. There was a man walking on the side of the road. He was an older Caucasian gentleman, maybe 60-ish, I'd say. He was a little overweight, sort of like Santa, only a little smaller with less of a belly and more of a stocky build. He also had crazy white hair with crazy white side burns. He was wearing pants that were rolled up to just below his knees and no shoes. He was also wearing a large, woolen poncho that looked similar to a rug that you might find in a rug gallery in Sante Fe. He was topped off with a plain-looking sombrero, but he wasn't wearing it. It was on a string around his neck, hanging down his back. It took me several times of looking back at him before I could take in the full picture. I wonder where he was walking to.

Quote of the...(5)

In regard to getting beaten in online poker games---

"They arrogantly write themselves into the programs! They're unbeatably
crafty!"

Vacation Education

I recently returned from a wonderful vacation to Jackson Hole and Utah. P&AF and I got in some great snowboarding, skiing, and relaxing. Here's a little list of a few things I learned on this trip...hopefully it gives a nice little summary of the trip as well.

1. Though Burger King may offer free WiFi access, they do not, in fact, offer any power supply for your computer.

2. The odd little symbols on the Utah state highway signs are beehives.

3. Even if your boyfriend takes off at a dead sprint when the grocery store security alarm goes off as you are walking out of the store, the store attendants will not approach you as if you've stolen something.

4. Something just isn't right about microbrews in Utah.

5. Although it may seem like a mistake, wearing a short skirt and sparkly heels out on a night below freezing with snow-covered streets is totally worth it.

6. The outdoor hot tub is always a better bet than the indoor dungeon hot tub.

7. There are too many people on the tram to make for a comfortable ride when the operator tells you to, "Turn around and back in."

8. Despite the fact that experience (especially coming from a big city like Las Vegas or San Jose) might tell you that restaurants, grocery stores, and other retail outlets would be open at 9PM on a Saturday night, this may not be the case. We began searching for a place to eat at about 9PM, and ended up with the Wendy's drive-thru just after 10PM when no other options surfaced. Neither the Taco Bell or McDonald's drive-thrus were open. I kid you not.

9. Airport Security doesn't really care if you make your plane or not when you are suspicious. It would have been more helpful to learn what actually made me suspicious...

10. Running through the airport in your socks carrying your shoes and sweater with a backpack and purse over the moving walkways may not be advantageous. This was demonstrated by my backpack bursting open at the end of the moving walkway. Everything collected in a sad pile, as the walkway teeth tried to eat my postcards and my psych book. Luckily no people were harmed in the incident. Unless they were traumatized by the sight/sound of me frantically crawling around the floor muttering, "This CANNOT be happening."

11. If you are on Southwest for the first flight of the morning, they will leave without you. In fact, they will leave without you 3 minutes early. They will also very kindly put you on the next flight with no hassle at all.

The Real Kit Kat Club

I'm having an issue with my garage. The garage door doesn't stay closed. I think someone else's opener must be coded to my door because it doesn't matter whether I leave it open or closed, there is a 50/50 chance that it will have changed position by the time I return. The garage door has been that way since I moved in. I never really worried about it, even when a pigeon took up residence on the opening mechanism. Sure, there were some extra sticks and bird poo on my car, but it wasn't bad and didn't last that long. Unfortunately, there has been a new development in the situation. The neighborhood stray cats have decided that the garage is the hottest new hang out in Santa Clara. It started out with a few paw prints on the hood of my car and the roof, but the mess has gotten worse. It would appear that the cats are using my car as either a boxing ring or a nice little place for a romp in the sack. Either way, I end up with fur and who knows what else plastered to my car. I think this is the point where I finally have to ask for the door to be re-coded after two long years.

Seconds?

Not this weekend, but last weekend, P&AF took me dancing. We were sitting at a table with another couple, and I asked them if they were getting married some time soon. The woman said that she didn't really know; they had a couple kids between them, and there was a lot to be worked out to get married. She then went on to give me their plans for the wedding, whenever it happens. They live in a small town and plan on roping off the parking lot of their favorite bar. They will then do an open wedding invitation to the entire town, the parking lot ensuring that there will be plenty of room. They'll just find an officiant to come out to the bar parking lot and marry them. She justified this entire plan by saying that it is a second marriage for both of them. Of course. P&AF thought that was a lovely way of saying, "Honey, I really love you and these vows mean a lot to me." I don't know; I understand doing what means the most to you for your wedding, but seriously, a parking lot???

Quote of the...(4)

You need to take this one in context to get the full effect. In the middle of my Physio class, Dancing with the Stars comes up. After this comment is said, a 10-20 minute discussion occurs on the subject, in the middle of lecture of course. From the instructor (emphatically):

"Now let me tell you something about Jerry Rice and dancing."

Plucky

I've decided that my entry titles are often filled with misdirection. As in, by plucky you might be thinking of the GRE word meaning brave or spirited. But, in this case, I am referring to eyebrow plucking. Maybe "plucker" would be the more appropriate term. I was walking back to my car yesterday after lunch, and I walked by the mailboxes at my apartment complex. The postal truck was sitting there with a small postal woman in the front seat. As I walked up, I tried to figure out what she was doing. It definitely looked like she was plucking her eyebrows---little mirror in her left hand, right hand poised over her left eye, ready to go in and make the grab, her eyebrows lifted, and face contorted to give her the best angle. I got right next to the truck, and sure enough, she was giving herself a little eyebrow treatment right there in the parking lot. It gives a new definition to multi-tasking.

Airport Love

You might think this would be about some sappy love story in an aiport. It's not though; it's mostly just my love of airports. The funniest things happen there. I think people act out of the ordinary because a lot of them are stressed out. On last Friday, I flew down to Ontario with R. I was pretty excited about this because I feel like I never fly anywhere with anyone; I'm always flying alone. That's fine too, but it's more fun with a buddy. The first funny thing that happened was that the security line was so long that it went all the way through the usual security line area and out the airport doors into the parking garage. I left R to check in, and I went to stand in line. I was stunned when I had to go outside. I got in line ahead of two guys that were both about my age or a little older. They weren't together or anything. This was the conversation:

Nervous Guy: Have you guys ever seen anything like this before?

Other Guy: Maybe once or twice. In Phoenix.

Me: No...well, actually in DIA, and Dulles too, now that you mention it, quite a few times.

Nervous Guy: Oh, so what time are your flights at?

(It was 5:40PM at the time)

Other Guy: 6:15PM

Me: 6:05PM

Nervous Guy: (sounding sort of letdown) Oh, I see.

Nervous guy never said what time his flight was at, but I'm assuming that it was 8PM or something, since he didn't divulge his flight information. He probably just felt like a fruitcake at that point. I saw him behind security later on; R accused me of flirting. I'm just friendly though.

The other funny thing was that there was one long security line that then broke into two lines at the ticketing area. They had a security person holding back the one long line, and then each line that it broke down into had a security person. There was one woman directing it all. She would tell one gate to open up, and then move a few people from the long line to the open gate. And then she'd switch to the other when the lines moved a little. One unfortunate man had the bad luck of not paying attention when the long line gate was opened and he was supposed to move. The director woman went nuts on him.

Line Director: Sir. SIR. SIR. Quit daydreaming. Sir, you need to move now. Move, move, move. Over here sir. You need to pay attention. Move.

I just walked down the hall laughing at that one, I mean the guy was oblivious, and she was just a drill sergeant taking things a little too seriously. People must think I'm crazy.

Big Red Wagon

Recently, due to a complex I have developed from my Excercise Physiology class, I gave up most drugs---ibuprofen and Claritin D being the main players in my life. The instructor keeps talking about how we shouldn't really need drugs, and all healing should be internal. I don't exactly believe that, but for some reason, I just decided I'd give up the drugs anyway. So, as of last Thursday, I quit. I really was not that reliant on drugs to begin with, but I definitely use ibuprofen for various ailments and Claritin when the pollen count is high. This experiment didn't last long, since I fell off the wagon this morning. Since giving up the Claritin, my allergies just kept getting worse. Yesterday I had gotten to that stage where after running it sounded like I had a major head and chest cold. I also had a headache all day. I woke up this morning, and the headache was still here, only it had gotten to the point where I couldn't move without feeling completely dizzy and disoriented. So here I am doped up on Claritin D and ibuprofen, just an unhealthy druggee after all. Yeah, I don't know why I believed him that I should give up on all drugs either.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I thought this was funny: http://channels.netscape.com/atplay/jokes.jsp?joke=3

My funniest Valentine's Day was the year that I received a "Happy Valentine's Day" note written on a piece of hotel stationery (from the hotel we were staying at) along with a Crunch bar from the vending machine. It doesn't get much better than that. (Don't try to deny it E, you know it's true!)

The best thing about Valentine's Day that I can remember is from elementary school. I don't remember what they were called, but we could send little secret admirer notes to our classmates on cute telegram-style pieces of pink paper. My second-grade "boyfriend" sent me several of them; I think I read them last time I was going through all the wonderful mementos in my old room. They were very sweet; I'm not sure a Valentine's Day has really measured up since. What can really beat 9 year-old love though?

Cut Them All

I got a haircut and highlight yesterday. It was at this really nice salon north of where I live. I had a separate colorist and stylist, which was pretty exciting. It started out on a funny note because I was a little late getting there due to traffic on the 101. I went up to the counter to check in, and the greeter said she'd show me around the salon, which I will admit, was huge. She then realized that I was late, and brought me back to the changing area straight away. She left me in a little changing room with a robe to put over my clothes and instructed me to wait for the colorist. I put the robe on, which was nicer than your usual hair-cuttery robe--it had one snap in the front and tied around your waist, and then I sat there to wait for the colorist. After a bit, I wondered if the colorist would knock, or if I should open the door. I opened the door and sat back down. Probably five minutes later, the greeter came back and said I was supposed to come out of the room and wait in the waiting room. The colorist had been waiting for me! Oops! The colorist introduced himself, and brought me to his station. He then apologized several times that since we were running a little late, he might be a little quiet during the session, but that didn't mean that he didn't want to talk to me. After having all the color applied, I waited for it to process, and then had my hair rinsed and washed by the stylist. They had a weird set-up where you actually laid down on a table, rather than sitting in a reclining chair with your head in a sink. It was very comfortable on the neck. The stylist was good and pretty funny too. The oddest part of the cut was that she mentioned how she thought I had beautiful eyelashes that were very long and curly. She asked if I did that, or if they were naturally that way. I was a little baffled because the only thing I ever do is use a little plastic eyelash curler, which I thought was pretty ordinary. Anyway, I think it all turned out well overall; I swear I look younger...

Blunt

I am taking an Exercise Physiology course this semester. It's pretty interesting so far, though I've only had one class. Last night, we were discussing how some people end up being very sedentary, and their reasons for it. The instructor described his mother, who recently broke her arm. She was being inactive because movement caused pain in her arm. The instructor didn't think that was a very good reason for inactivity. So one of the students brought up his mother.

Student: Well, how would you like to trade mothers? My mom is 5'4" and 310 lbs, and she's 85 too!

Instructor: (animatedly in an amazed tone.) And god bless her. She's WAY outside of the bell curve. She should be dead.

Does anyone else find it unnerving that the instructor just told a student that his mother should be dead???

Jaywalking

Yesterday I was walking to another department at work. I was standing at a stoplight at a fairly busy intersection. There are two intersections that I routinely walk through around work, where I think my life is possibly in jeopardy. I have had at least a dozen close calls at them combined. Of course, after the first time at each intersection, I was pretty careful, so I guess only the first couple times were seriously close calls. So yesterday, I was standing at the light, waiting for it to turn green, and there were a couple people standing there with me. After awhile, there weren't any cars coming in either direction, so I decided I'd just cross without waiting for the light, that way I'd be less likely to get hit by the left-turners who don't really like to yield to the pedestrians. I took one step off the curb, and noticed a cop across the street turning right. I immediately started to step back onto the curb, and as I was doing so, the cop looked over and flashed his lights. I looked over at the guy waiting with me, and he just sort of shrugged and chuckled, looking knowingly at me as if to say, yep, the cops here are crazy, it's a good thing you stepped back. The cop ended up driving away after that. It was strange. You might all think I'm crazy for worrying about a jaywalking ticket, but the cops here seriously hassled a guy that I used to work with over it, and he ended up with a moving violation. Who knew?

Liquor Balance

There are more oddities to the Cirque du soleil story. First, my roommate, we'll call her R, has actually lived in an apartment complex with Cirque du soleil performers before. They actually lived right below her at one point. Apparently they would do acrobatic moves on the balcony, and it was actually a bit frightening. R was also invited to play poker with them on more than one occasion. Second, she was at the grocery store the other day, and one of the Cirque du soleil guys was in front of her at the check out. He was buying a mammoth bottle of Canadian Mist. Who knew that Cirque du soleil and Canadian whisky went together? The man also tried to pay with a Canadian nickel, and then explained the entire charade by saying that he was "with Cirque du soleil," and that they were based in Quebec. I think it is most likely that there is some sort of cosmic connection between R and Cirque du soleil. What else could it be, when she's lived in the same complex with them more than once, and also runs into them at the grocery store?

Interference

One of my very best friends, we'll call her Inspirational Workout Buddy (IWB,) recently shared this little story with me. She often comes home from work with a lot of entertaining stories because she works with a great variety of people. In this particular story, she received a call from a concerned mother. You see, her son, was in need of some personal training, or at least some abs work, since he, was apparently working on a bit of a spare tire. Now at first, IWB believed that the son in question must be a young student, probably a freshman, just getting the hang of being on his own. But no, it was later revealed that said student was actually a graduate student who would be getting married soon, and his mother didn't want him to look at his wedding pictures later in life and think he just didn't measure up to his wife. The mother requested the IWB contact her son regarding his options for losing that belly. IWB was at a bit of a loss as to how to respond to the whole thing, but here is her best shot at it. I think it was as good as it could be--I only hope that Spare Tire was expecting it!

Dear Mr. Spare Tire,

I just got off the phone with your mom- congratulations on your upcoming wedding! She wanted me to let you know about the Lifetime Recreation Classes- and some of the fitness equipment we have to work your abs. Since I am not a personal trainer I can not tell you how much weight to do on the equipment BUT I can show you how to use it. I am in the office Monday - Friday 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

I have also attached a copy of the fitness class schedule for the quarter. I am not sure with your job and class schedule which ones may work for you but we have some great express classes at noon- and a new one this quarter called Butts and Gutts! That should be a lot of fun- we also have many yoga and pilates classes that work the core as well.

Please let me know if you would like a walk through of the weight room or if you have any questions about the Campus Recreation program.

Acrobats and Vacations

I know it's been nearly a month since I've posted anything. It was partially because I was on vacation, and I've been really busy at work. And it was partially because I don't feel like anything blog-worthy has happened to me recently. Or if anything blog-worthy did happen, I didn't feel like it was completely appropriate to post. The E sent me something funny from a potential hotel guest, but I didn't feel like I could post it without possibly being attacked by members of some group that seems to center around a particular stone. And, of course, lots of fun things happened over my vacation, but none of it hit me quite right for the page.
The other night though, I was driving back to my apartment. After I pulled into the gate, I noticed a bunch of people, maybe 20-30 of them, walking down the road pulling suitcases. Most of them had two large suitcases. As I got closer, I noticed that they were all wearing Cirque du soleil jackets. They looked similar to lettermans coats, leather with a huge Cirque du soleil patch stictched onto the back. I wondered if the acrobats from Cirque du soleil were staying at my apartment complex. Or if it was a Cirque du soleil fan club or motorcycle gang. Many of them were bald, and I'm not sure if that was related.