I Just Wanted Some Nachos

I went to Chipotle for some nachos the other day. Although I had never had nachos from Chipotle before, it seemed like they would have them. Unfortunately, I got up to the counter, and as it turns out, they don't have nachos. I decided that I wouldn't abandon my quest anyway.

Chipotle Girl #1: "Can I take your order?"

M: "You know, I was really in the mood for some nachos. Is there any way you can throw some chips on a plate with some of the fixings for me?"

Chipotle Girl #1: "Well, I don't have any way to melt the cheese. All I have is this steamer right here for the burritos to heat anything up."

M: "Well, that doesn't matter to me. The cheese will melt on the meat; that's hot. It'll be like the tacos or burrito bowl."

Chipotle Girl #1: "Yeah, but I can't melt the cheese."

M: "Okay, so is it a corporate policy that you can't put down a layer of chips and then fixings for a burrito bowl?"

Chipotle Girl #1: (nervously eyes Chipotle Girl #2) "No, but I can't melt the cheese."

Chipotle Girl #2: "What's wrong? What does she want?"

Chipotle Girl #1: "She wants nachos."

Chipotle Girl #2: "No. We don't have nachos."

Chipotle Girl #1: "We can't do nachos."

M: (resigned) "Okay, that's fine. How about I just order a chicken burrito bowl and a side of chips and salsa then? That should work."

Chipotle Girl #2: "No, we can't do that."

M: (convinced that I had just ordered something right off the menu) "Ummm...okay." (begins to back away from the counter.)

As I'm walking out one of them mutters "Sorry." I don't turn around, and I mutter back, "Okay..."

Weird. I swear that I wasn't trying to be ultra difficult or anything.

Pick Up Line

The other night as I was driving home from yoga I heard a "Honk, honk..." as I was driving down Eastern Avenue (three lanes of traffic in both directions with stop lights and a median.) After doing a quick check of my car's position within the lane, I assumed the the honking had nothing to do with me. But then I heard it again. So I looked to the right. And there was a large man, in what can only be described as a rather pimped out Lincoln Navigator. He was gesturing for me to roll down my window. I briefly considered just ignoring the request, but ultimately the friendly midwestern girl within won, and I decided that possibly he just needed directions or something. So I rolled down my window.

Lincoln: "Hey, ah, what's your name?"

(It doesn't occur to me to not give my name. I'm surprised by the question, so I answer.)

M: "Maryse."

(Traffic then begins to move, and I realize it would be impossible for him to hear or understand my name anyway. I hear him yelling as I drive forward.)

Lincoln: "I can't hear you. What did you say?"

(He pulls up next to me again.)

M: "M, I said that my name is M."

Lincoln: "Well, you know M, I was just thinking, since we're sitting here in traffic, I was thinking you could give me your number, and we could chat. You know, since we're in traffic and all."

(I hold up my left hand and point to my not naked at all ring finger. Lincoln does not understand this gesture. At all.)

Lincoln: "No, no, don't try to sign your number to me. Just tell me what your number is and I'll call you."

M: "Actually, no, I don't think my husband would like that very much."

The light then turned green and I drove off to turn left, while Lincoln drove on straight down Eastern. It was quite the amusing little plot. It may work better on a target who is not taken and also in a situation where there is actually traffic. Possibly on the 405 near LA or on the 880 between San Jose and Oakland.