With Grace, As Always

We played some racquetball today. I managed to hit myself in the ear and miss the ball. I am awesome.

Keep Your Eye On The Green Fuzzy Ball

As it turns out, playing tennis without your glasses or contacts doesn't work that well. The ball tends to blend in with the green, leafy trees surrounding the tennis courts. And you tend to lose pretty badly. You may think you know where the ball is going, but all of a sudden, it is upon you, nowhere near where you thought it was going to be, and you are tap dancing and flailing your racket around like a crazy person, and still missing the ball. Yeah, probably I should have realized this before going to play tennis.

If You've Lost Your Bear, Please Claim It At The Courtesy Counter

I was at the grocery store during lunch one day earlier this spring. As I was walking the aisles, an announcement came over the PA system.

"Please be cautious as you exit the grocery store and drive about town again today. There has been a black bear reported at the intersection of Old Seward and Tudor. So, again, please use caution as you drive, and watch out for that black bear."

Incidentally, I did drive through the Old Seward and Tudor intersection shortly after that. I, however, did not see the disruptive black bear. I can't say I've ever heard a grocery store announcement quite like that before; it must be one of those awesome things about Alaska!

Health Insurance...Not So Much

I wanted to find a hand surgeon to cut off my finger bump. I'm still certain that if I could just get rid of the finger bump, all my problems would be solved. I was certain of this the last time they cut it off as well - but it came back!! So I looked at my health insurance company's website online to see if any of the hand surgeons that my doctor recommended were in network. Everything in-network is covered at 100% with no co-pay. None of the doctors that I searched came back in network (there were four of them.) So I just searched for hand surgeons in-network. And still...nothing.
So I broke down and called my insurance company. And quite unfortunately, I was informed that there were no hand surgeons in-network on my insurance plan at all. But, not to worry, I can go out-of-network, and then my costs will be covered at 80%. Because I can definitely spare 20% of $20,000 to have my finger bump removed. I mean, if it is going to solve ALL my problems.

I Say So

Rob Valentine and I were working in the garage, and I decided to let Miss America out to enjoy a little sunshine. I thought she might want to roll around in the dirt and sunbathe. She started making her way out of the garage, and a group of kids across the street spotted her. I heard the ominous cries of "kitty" carry across the road. Miss America was oblivious to what might soon befall her.
Rob Valentine advised me to catch kitty cat and take her back in the house. I, however, did not act quickly enough.
The next thing I knew, the kids were upon us, and I was awkwardly holding Miss America.

Little Girl: "Can we pet the kitty?"

(I stand there like a deer in headlights; I want to let them pet Miss America, but Miss America is not exactly familiar with kids. She also isn't exactly comfortable around new people. What do I DO!!!???)

Rob Valentine: "No, we're sorry. The kitty isn't used to little kids. She has to go back inside."

Little Girl: "Well, I know cats. And I say I can."

(I'm still frozen in fear. I look at the little girl. I look at Rob Valentine.)

Rob Valentine: "No, this kitty is a scaredy cat, so she would be too scared."

The kids then all started laughing and muttering about the scaredy cat. Phew!!
Disaster avoided!

Nearly Unforgivable

One night Rob Valentine and I were making some chocolate chip cookies. I asked Corky McAbelas if he was interested, and he said that he'd have two. We left them sitting on the cookie sheet on the stove for him.
The following morning, I went upstairs to make my breakfast and lunch. I happened to throw something away, and in the trash I saw....THE COOKIES!!! It took all my willpower not to just reach in and dig them out. Why would Corky McAbelas do such a thing? He asked for cookies and just threw them away afterwards? I couldn't understand.
When Corky came in that evening, I told him that he nearly broke my heart by throwing away the cookies. He said that he fell asleep the night before, and that they were too hard in the morning. I explained that if he didn't want to eat the cookies he had requested in the future, I would certainly eat them, whether they were old or not. I made extra cookies that night, and sure enough they were still perfect for lunch the next day. Hopefully Corky does not trash any more cookies in the future - I don't think I'd ever make him cookies again!

Pet Killer

One morning I was finishing up with brushing my teeth, when I realized that I hadn't seen the resident mosquito eater that morning. So when my teeth were sparkly and clean, I began to call for him and look more carefully. I was peering into the laundry area repeating, "Mosquito Eater? Mosquito Eater?" when The Librarian walked by.
She asked what a mosquito eater was. I described it, and she said that she thought it was a blind mosquito. I don't really know about that, but as I was describing it, DJ Valentine walked up. DJ Valentine looked at me curiously and said, "Was it a flying insect with long legs?" I responded that it was, and DJ Valentine said, "Oh yeah, I know where that is. It's, ah, in a piece of kleenex in the trash can." I looked at him in horror - my poor, friendly mosquito eater!! DJ Valentine apologized, saying that he had smooshed my pet mosquito eater that very morning, not realizing that I wanted to keep bugs flying around my house.
That's what I get for not introducing all my household pets. I don't kill spiders either, should you ever end up at my house. If they bother you, I can run a catch and release operation.

Sneak Attack

I was downstairs doing some laundry and cleaning up before the workweek starts tomorrow, when I thought I heard someone call me upstairs. I went upstairs and found Rob Valentine out on the patio. He was watering the patio plants with a sprayer hooked up to a garden hose. I went to the screen door and was going to ask him if he had said anything when he promptly turned the water sprayer at me and sprayed me in the face. I scrunched up my face and exclaimed, "f***-ing" (to be followed by he**, before I caught myself), and Rob Valentine started laughing and said, "You said f***." And I burst out laughing. He apologized and said that the opportunity was just too good to resist. It was quite unexpected. Who would have thought that he'd turn the sprayer to spray into the house???

Triple A

I know...I said I was going to try to post every day, and I haven't. At all. This is because I've been on vacation - on an Awesome Alaskan Adventure, to be precise, this week. I'll get back to regularly posting nowish.